Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Do you want to be my friend?

So my bookclub is reading this book that I'm totally in love with this month. It's called MWF Seeking BFF. When it was first suggested at our last meeting for the next book, I was totally skeptical. It is 100% true that I judge books on not only their covers, but their titles, and this one sounded totally cheesy. BUT, it's not. It's good. And something SO very relate able to me being a 30 year old living at least an hour (up to a 6 hour plane ride) away from some of my closest friends.

It's not easy finding new friends in this stage of life. I've complained to Bean on multiple occasions how I feel lonely sometimes and wish I had girl friends who lived close by who I could call to go grab coffee or go shopping or take a fun class with. It's not like college where my closest friends were across the hall (or on the bottom bunk), or like high school where we all had marching band practice multiple nights a week, and then competitions (complete with fun bus rides!) on the weekends. Now it takes me sometimes up to an hour and 45 minutes depending on who's hosting just to get to bookclub once a month. Oy.

It's not that I haven't tried to make new friends where we live now. I took Finley to a Barnes and Noble story hour a few months ago and began chatting with a fellow mom in the cafe, only to get awkward when she had to leave and not ask for her email or number even though I knew I should have. The ball was totally in my court. Three minutes later I was running out to the parking lot like a full on crazy person, Finley's arms flailing about, juggling a sippy cup, plastic rings and a latte trying to find her, but I was too late. She had already left. :( Friending fail.

Now I know my job doesn't make things the easiest when making new friends. I'm working long hours on weekends a lot which does not make me an ideal new friend. But I've decided that making some lasting friendships in the area must be a priority going forward, if for nothing other than my sanity. So I'm in the market. On the prowl. Looking for that special lady (or ladies) who I will eventually be calling for pedicures, signing up for zumba classes with or just meeting for drinks on a Thursday night.

Do you want to be my friend?

Monday, January 9, 2012

Lit's Guide to Survival

survivorman-logo1

I'm a survivor. Or I will be. It's true. Ask Bean. He caught me recently perusing this website for a survival kit for our home. He at first thought I was weird, then got worried that all my promising to him that the end of the world is NOT going to happen this year was just to appease him (which it most definitely was...shh). You see, ever since I was little I've always created emergency/disaster scenarios in my mind and tried to figure out how I would survive them. They didn't always make sense because I was like six, but I was very serious about it. Here are a couple scenarios I remember coming up with as a young first grader, and how I would survive:

SCENARIO 1: We suddenly run out of air to breathe.
SURVIVAL TACTIC: Turn on the hair dryer.

SCENARIO 2: I'm lost in the jungle with no food.
SURVIVAL TACTIC: Make butter.

Now I know I was no Survivorman, but I was trying. I also used to sharpen sticks by rubbing them on coarse sidewalk and hide them in my tree and under my bed in case we suddenly came under attack and had to protect our home. It's very possible I was not what you would call a "normal" kid.

Anyway, I still do this. Often. Not the stick thing because neighbors would think I was weird, but the disaster scenario thing. Especially late at night when I can't sleep because I'm a mom and sleep is a long lost friend I hope to see again some day when I'm like 60. Depending on the type of disaster I'm imagining there are a slew of things to consider, like do we flee to the mountains? If so, what sort of supplies and food rations will we need to survive the winter? Do we need to think about planting our own crops? How do we defend said crops from bandits? (Because you know there will surely be bandits after a major disaster). Are there zombies involved? What sort of means for communicating with other survivors will we have? Is there a radiation cloud nearby somewhere? Will we have enough water? Should I start taking some sort of martial art? And that's just the beginning. The list of things to consider just goes on and on.

So, my question is, am I the only who does this? Also, what survivor kit should I get?

Thursday, January 5, 2012

The story of the rash

So a few days before Christmas I noticed this rash on Fin's face. I posted about it on facebook to get advice and called the doctor, but ultimately it was decided it had to do with some molars coming in and it would go away. As the week progressed it got worse and spread to her torso. By Christmas Eve it was everywhere. We were sitting in church and I could just tell she didn't feel well. I started to panic because of this episode of Oprah where Brook Shields talked about being in church with her daughter and seeing a flash of red in her daughter's eyes and feeling compelled to get it checked out only to find that if she hadn't, and her daughter hadn't had this necessary eye surgery that she would have gone blind. I could have that entire story wrong by the way. It may not even have been Brooke Shields and it's quite possible I dreamed it. But needless to say, I was worried. And Brooke Shields's story wasn't helping.

When we got home we called the doctor and got an emergency appointment for 9am Christmas morning at a different office than our usual one. So the next morning, we woke up, skipped any and all Christmas festivities and headed straight for the doctor's office. The doctor there diagnosed Fin with a yeast infection and a strep rash all over her body, and prescribed amoxicillin and two ointments for the yeast infection. The rash only got worse. It covered I would say 90% of her body at this point.

I will now show you a picture I took of it with my camera phone (which is clearly the worst camera phone in all the world):rashphoto

Not good. Sooo a couple days passed and I called the doctor again. We got to see her regular physician this time and he immediately said it looked to him like some sort of allergy. We went over everything she could possibly be allergic to that was new. The only things we could come up with were the new carpet in the family room and the Christmas tree. Other than that there had been no new foods introduced (other than a taste of peanut butter the week prior). He said to give her Benedryl and keep her off the carpet and away from the tree. So we spent the next 4 days in our basement (which is finished and nice, so don't feel too bad for us).

Luckily the rash did improve and is now back to where it was probably two days before Christmas. It's very dry (she screams when we put lotion on it because it stings), and it's mostly on her torso and face. It's nothing like it was, but it's still there. It has been 2 weeks and 2 days since I first noticed the rash and over the past few days nothing has changed. So I ask you, Internet, do I schedule another appointment and have them run a blood test for allergies? Or do I just continue to let it go and see what happens? I don't want to overreact, but at the same time I want to know what it is, and if she is allergic to something, to stop her from being exposed to it. Help!

Saturday, December 31, 2011

Happy New Year!

I have lots to post about from over the holidays, but there's no time for that right now so I'm just going to post this video of Finley from this morning. If you can ignore the gross, runny nose and the rash on her face (that is like WAY better by the way, you should have seen it before!), this video could just be cute.

I hope you all have a wonderful New Year! I have big plans for this year, and since it is the last year on earth, I plan to go out with a bang. How about you??

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Why I don't bake

This is why I don't bake. No matter what I do, however closely I follow a recipe, my deserts just don't turn out "right". I tried to surprise Bean with some peanut butter cookies for when he came home from work today and this is what he got. One large peanut patty.

cookies

The patty was a little crispy but when accompanied by a big glass of milk, entirely edible. At least I tried, right?

Monday, December 19, 2011

Pictures with Santa!

So tonight we decided to go visit Santa at the mall and get our pictures taken. We originally tried to time it so we would get there before Santa went on break, but I had to run to UPS which was a madhouse before we left, so we got off to a late start, as per usual (see below). So we decided to go to Olive Garden ahead of time, get some din, and then go see the Santa.

The Olive Garden was dead, which was awesome because Fin has a tendency to scream, so the less people to annoy, the better. The meal was going along just fine and I had just finished exclaiming what a good eater Fin was being when I heard that familiar guttural sound followed by the choking sound that signals vomit is about to happen. I instinctively cup my hands under her chin and catch the vomit. I am amazing at catching vomit. If I ever have one of those "woe is me" days where I'm complaining that I'm not good at stuff, remind me to revisit this post to remember that vomit catching is my thing. Anyway, the waitress just happened to choose that moment to check on our table and we freeze, me with my hands full of vomit, and Bean chewing on a bread stick looking back and forth between the waitress and the vomit. We pretend nothing has happened and keep as still as possible, hoping she won't notice. She asks if she can get us anything, and we just sit there frozen and say, "Nope nope, we're good! Thanks!". She walks away but then just silently slips a stack of napkins on our table 30 seconds later. Best waitress ever.

Even with my amazing vomit catch, vomit still gets on Finley's shirt. We didn't come prepared with a backup though, so I just button up her sweater and dab her with some hand sanitizer to help cover the vomit odor and hope Santa doesn't notice.

So we get to the mall and see the line is wrapped all the way around Santa's Wonderland. We hop in line, and immediately a woman who is very clearly treading a thin line between sanity and insanity comes up to me with one hand on her hip and the other pointing at me like a scary old bitty and shrieks, "Excuse me! But the line starts BACK THERE and we were waiting here first!". Did I mention she was shaking as she said this? When people get all confrontational with me, I have this thing I do where I get super extra nice. Like when I'm driving and people give me the finger and I just smile and laugh. It's fun and throws them off. So I just apologize profusely and make a joke about how it's Monday (ah! crazy Mondays! Everyone can agree that Mondays make you crazy, right?). So we move back to the end of the line which I hadn't realized wrapped even further around Santa's Wonderland than originally thought, and wait. And wait and wait.

Soon Finley has had enough waiting and Bean and I take turns taking her for walks in circles around Santa's Wonderland. One of my favorite things about walking around places like the mall with Finley is what grabs her attention. For instance, there was a whole display of presents, and fake snow and twinkling lights and a dancing bear, but Fin only had eyes for the discarded tissue on the ground. Babies.

So it's finally our turn to see Santa, and Bean sticks Fin on his lap (as I secretly pray he can't smell her vomit-y stench) and immediately operation "get the hell out of Santa's lap" begins. Fin is not happy and Santa is struggling. And I just start laughing. Because I'm an evil mother and my child screaming on the lap of a bearded man in red is hilarious to me. The woman with the clapper behind the camera is working overtime trying to get Fin to smile but she just isn't having it. We remove Fin from Santa, and get in line to buy our photo. We spend almost $40 for the 2 images below. I'm really impressed with Santa. He really pulled it out. Fin, needs some work. Next year we'll start preparing early. Until then, I pretty much love these photos.

finwithSanta

Friday, December 16, 2011

On being the worst mom in the world

Tonight was Finley's holiday show that her daycare was putting on. She was supposed to dress up in all white to be a snowflake and her class was going to be singing "Let It Snow". Super cute. I have been looking forward to tonight all week. It's been a ridiculously busy few months work-wise and I kept promising myself I would slow down for the holidays and enjoy them with Finley and Bean. But as the holidays have gotten closer and closer, I've just grown even more busy trying to tie up loose ends and get everything done in time for the holidays for everyone, that I've spent almost every afternoon and well into the wee hours of the night shut up in my office as Bean watches Fin in the family room. Not super fun. But tonight was to be my night with my family, to spend time with my daughter and watch her perform in her adorable little show. I was SO excited. I even got her a new skirt to wear so she would look like an extra cute snowflake.

But as per usual, I got so bogged down with finishing editing sessions, answering one last email, checking on a print order, etc. that we were late getting out the door to Finley's show. I thought it would be OK, they probably wouldn't start right away, and we would only be a few minutes late, not realizing it was rush hour and would take twice as long to get to the school. Then about halfway to the school I remembered that it wasn't actually AT the school, it was at the community center nearby and I didn't have the address. So we spent the next 10 minutes driving around looking for it, me shouting at Bean to do a better job looking it up on my phone as Finley screamed for her baba in the backseat. We finally ended up stopping at a gas station to ask where the community center was. Luckily someone in there was able to point us in the right direction and we ran into the community center a full 35 minutes late, only to find we had completely missed Finley's entire performance. I was crushed. When her teacher told us we missed it I nearly had a meltdown right there, but thankfully kept it together until Bean and I got in the car later on.

I just feel like such an awful mother. How did I let work get in the way of making her night a priority? If I wasn't so distracted with all the stuff I have on my plate, I would have been on top of having the address to the community center, we never would have been late, and we never would have missed her performance. Who is this person I've become that put work before my child? I'm like the dad in the movie Hook. You know, at the beginning before he realizes he's Peter Pan.

I just feel so conflicted all the time. Like I'm not doing either job 100% and it kills me. And tonight was just the worst. I have to assume I'm not the only working mother who feels this way. Running your own business is no joke, the hours are crazy. I love it, don't get me wrong. I never thought I'd be so lucky to be so fulfilled in my career, but is it at the expense of being a good mom?

So I'm trying to step back, stop being a blubbing mess, and evaluate what tonight showed me. And I've come up with a few things that maybe it's time to start thinking about. Like maybe it's time to think about hiring an office assistant or intern. And maybe it's time to start saying no to some jobs. (I don't have to say yes to everything, right?). And maybe it's time to take time to prioritize my life over the next few months and get rid of the excess. Because I refuse to feel like I did tonight ever again. If any of you working moms have found the solution and have all the answers, I would SO so so love to hear from you!

Anyway, to highlight how awesome the rest of the night was, here are some photos I took of Fin as we tried to make the most of it and watch the other performances. I enjoy how Bean is really trying to hold it together in that third picture. God love 'em.

fintantrum

I promise the next post won't be such a downer, K?