Monday, January 9, 2012

Lit's Guide to Survival


I'm a survivor. Or I will be. It's true. Ask Bean. He caught me recently perusing this website for a survival kit for our home. He at first thought I was weird, then got worried that all my promising to him that the end of the world is NOT going to happen this year was just to appease him (which it most definitely was...shh). You see, ever since I was little I've always created emergency/disaster scenarios in my mind and tried to figure out how I would survive them. They didn't always make sense because I was like six, but I was very serious about it. Here are a couple scenarios I remember coming up with as a young first grader, and how I would survive:

SCENARIO 1: We suddenly run out of air to breathe.
SURVIVAL TACTIC: Turn on the hair dryer.

SCENARIO 2: I'm lost in the jungle with no food.

Now I know I was no Survivorman, but I was trying. I also used to sharpen sticks by rubbing them on coarse sidewalk and hide them in my tree and under my bed in case we suddenly came under attack and had to protect our home. It's very possible I was not what you would call a "normal" kid.

Anyway, I still do this. Often. Not the stick thing because neighbors would think I was weird, but the disaster scenario thing. Especially late at night when I can't sleep because I'm a mom and sleep is a long lost friend I hope to see again some day when I'm like 60. Depending on the type of disaster I'm imagining there are a slew of things to consider, like do we flee to the mountains? If so, what sort of supplies and food rations will we need to survive the winter? Do we need to think about planting our own crops? How do we defend said crops from bandits? (Because you know there will surely be bandits after a major disaster). Are there zombies involved? What sort of means for communicating with other survivors will we have? Is there a radiation cloud nearby somewhere? Will we have enough water? Should I start taking some sort of martial art? And that's just the beginning. The list of things to consider just goes on and on.

So, my question is, am I the only who does this? Also, what survivor kit should I get?


  1. i used to have a gym bag packed as a kid and kept under my the event of an emergency, i would grab my bag (which i had my favorite things in) and run. This bag was a struggle because often i would want to have these things in my bed/on display, but i felt that i couldn't do this and risk loosing them in an emergency (im insane). i also shared a room w/ jen my whole life. being the kind older sister that i was, i insisted on having the bed closer to the door...why you ask, so in the event of a fire, i was out first, LOL. Glad im not the only crazy :)

  2. definitely the one with the "portable toilet" aka bucket. I did not see a zombie-preparedness kit?!!

  3. Oh ho ho ho.. You have no idea how not alone you are on this.

    We have what we call "the Jerico bag," a reference to the short-lived TV show "Jericho" starring Skeet Ulrich. It's amazing, but you should never watch it, because it won't help with the imaginary disaster scenarios.

    However, here's what's in our kit. Candles, matches, batteries of every size and variety, change of clothes for each of us, flashlights, ponchos, antibiotics, toiletries (especially contact lens solution and tampons, because how much would it suck to be fleeing a zombie apocalypses while on the rag?), a hand-held can-opener, two gallons of water, a solar powered radio, canned goods, several days worth of my prescription meds.

    We also have photocopies of our passports and identity papers, photocopies of my prescription meds (to take to the Red Cross station when my pills run out and I need more, doncha know), as well as copies of all of our pets' vaccination records. I have this because when I lived in Florida, the Humane Society had trailers that they would park outside the hurricane evacuation centers. They would house your pets while you camped out at the evacuation center, but ONLY if you had proof that they were up to date on their vaccinations.

    We also have emergency cash on hand in case ATMs are empty, as well as gold coins ( a good investment and coin collecting is a hobby of Joel's) but also handy in case the government is toppled in which case your money is not worth the paper it's printed in. Lastly, if we were escaping with our cars (and pets), we'd be sure to grab the de-humidifier and the inverter that turns the cigarette lighter in my car into an electrical outlet. It draws water out of the air, which we could A.) drink and B.) sell/barter to other survivors.

    Our plan is to flee to Joel's family's cabin in the woods of Quebec. We aren't quite so paranoid to have acquired a gun (or the skills to use one) or to have learned how to do our own canning, both of which are probably essential survival skills. My dad, however, knows how to hunt AND can, and sometimes I think about getting him to teach me how to do both, just in case.

    Also, Joel is eligible for dual citizenship with Canada, and we joke about him getting it so that we can legally stay in the Yukon territory (on our beachfront property after global warming destroys everything south of Toronto.) It's not quite sharpened sticks, but there it is.

  4. HAHAHAHA!!!! I love your childhood disaster scenarios!! And the solutions even more! LOL! (And I love that graphic at the top. You rock.) I don't really think of survivor scenarios. But y'know what book you would LOVE?? The Passage by Justin Cronin. It's a post-apocalyptic sci-fi action-thriller, and I LOVE it. And just know that while my first step in a disaster will be to secure a gun, my second step will be to find you and follow you like a clingy, annoying dog. :-)