Thursday, December 1, 2011

Cooking?

I don't cook. Well, that's not entirely true. I WILL cook, I just don't like it. Nothing about cooking is desirable to me. I have zero patience for it. There's an annoying recipe you have to follow, weird ingredients that I don't know, it takes forever and it makes a huge mess. Not fun. Now if I'm going somewhere fancy and need to impress, I'll do my part and whip up a box o' brownies. No problem. But dinner and the like, no thanks. I could literally eat take-out 100% of the time and be totally happy. However, now I have this baby (see vomit post below) who requires nutrition and such, so I've taken a little stab at cooking lately.

I take this stab at cooking about every 3-4 months or so. It lasts about 2, maybe 3 days, and I'm usually over it. My mom gets so excited when I tell her I'm on one of my cooking kicks. She instantly whips into a frenzy and starts calling me with all her "easy to make" recipes and I play my part and pretend I'm writing them down. Now, "easy to make" to me is no more than 3 ingredients. Chicken, salt, pepper. Done. Once she gets past 3 ingredients I have checked out of the conversation and start looking through my google reader. And the second she mentions the words "crock pot", I'm out. Those things always seem to need 8+ ingredients. No thanks, crock pot.

So in my latest cooking kick (which started and ended yesterday), I happened upon a drawer in our kitchen that is jammed full of strange utensils. Some of the utensils were familiar. There was a spatula, and one of those wooden sticks with a flat rubber part at the top that's good for scraping bowls when making the fancy brownies. Is that also called a spatula? I honestly can't remember. Anyway, I came across a few items as I went through the drawer yesterday that I have NO idea what they are. For serious. So maybe some of you can help.

First up we have....this:

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Do not be fooled by the exciting orange color or the soft plastic look. This thing is sharp! What are you, thing?

Second:

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Now this just looks inappropriate, right? What is it?!

Third:

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I'm tempted to say this is a whisk, but I'm thrown off by the futuristic balls on the ends. Whisk or no?

Fourth:

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What in the world...???

Last but not least:

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A paintbrush? To be fair, it's entirely possible this found it's way into the drawer from the garage by mistake, but if that's not the case...then, why is this?

11 comments:

  1. Oooo...fun! I'm going to take a stab at guessing...although honestly, outside of the last thing (which I'm only 50/50 on) I don't know what any of these things are. The first one looks like a fancy knife, especially if it's sharp. Second (this is a toughy), maybe a tool for breaking up ice? Third, I think you're right. I think that one is a fancy future whisk. Fourth, this one looks incredibly familiar, however I have absolutely not the slightest idea what it is and I can't even guess what it is. Finally, that last one is some sort of a pastry brush. I think it's used for brushing things on pastry...or something. :-)

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  2. A COCKTAIL STRAINER!!! The funny one that looks familiar with the spring is a cocktail strainer!!!

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  3. oh, Lauri.... serrated knife (probably best for crusty bread), knife sharpener, just a fancy whisk (at least I think), cocktail strainer (although no, I've never used one), pastry brush (I use mine to brush olive oil on refrigerator pizza crust)..

    that was fun :)

    but seriously!! crockpot + pot roast + cream of mushroom soup + water (8 hours on low) = AMAZING! and it makes it's own gravy!

    crockpot + pork loin + rootbeer/coke + water = also amazing (add bbq sauce at end for pork sandwiches)

    those only have 3 ingredients :)

    that's all..

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  4. ha ha.. apparently at one point I linked my google account to a puggle blog (but never followed through)
    oops! (it's Allie)

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  5. Such a fun post! I was bummed to find that someone actually knew what those things were before I could guess, lol. I hate cooking even though I have to sometimes...that crockpot and I were best friends when I was preggo. I'm going to have to try ur friends suggestions but I have another easy one: crockpot+ chicken+ a jar of salsa= yum! Super easy and less than 3 ingredients...although I use my rice maker to make RICE (lol) so I can have my salsa chicken over rice!

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  6. so you want to know the easiest dinner that's still really good? i'm a terrible cook and i can do it so i know you can too. buy the marinated chicken in whatever flavor you choose at wegmans. squeeze it out of the package into a pan of sorts and bake it with whatever is says on the package. stick rice in a rice maker. and microwave some peas. simple, healthy, and tasty.

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  8. Look at all of you and your great 2/3 ingredient meals for me! Perhaps Fin will get some crock pot meals after all! Of course that means I'll have to get the crock pot out...which is a lot of work. So we'll see ;)

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  9. Okay SO!

    1. Clearly some sort of knife.
    2. A knife sharpener made for KNIVES THAT AREN'T PLASTIC
    3. A whisk, wonderful for fluffy omelets and things that can be hard to combine.
    4. A cocktail strainer. I don't know why you'd need one, pour the liquor first, then the soda, whats the problem again?
    5. A basting brush! Good for any kind of meat.

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  10. Also Lauri, you can make almost anything taste good if you have enough butter and spices! Have you tried chicken stir-fry with chicken-flavored ramen as the noodle/sauce base? So easy:

    Chicken breast: cook it till it's done
    Chicken ramen: cook it till it's college consistency.
    Vegetables: Chop some up.

    VOILA! A cheap, easy meal!!

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  11. HAHAHAHAHA... this is the funniest post ever. I'm still laughing right now. I love what you said about "pretending to write it down"... I am SO guilty of that with my mom, too! Haha! And yes, those are wacky utensils. The ball-topped whisk is the only one that I even recognize. Well, I guess the orange thing is a knife in the technical sense... but still. Where did you get all these gadgets?!

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